Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
