once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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