The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize