Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
