Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
