Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
