Where is the hickey?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
this is an emotional support booty call
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
