You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
