i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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