All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
