Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
