Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
