The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just gift wrapped bread.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
