I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
