I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
