Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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