I can tuck mytits in my pants
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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