Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
