I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
