It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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