it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I want is dick and wine.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
