he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
