new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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