We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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