Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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