A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
