she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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