My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
