when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
