I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You dont lie about slip and slides
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize