I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
