My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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