if you like me you must not know who I am
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
