I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
