mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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