Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The feeling are messing with the penis
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
