I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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