HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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