New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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