Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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