my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
