I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
