you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize