I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
