I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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