We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So. Much. Porn.
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