I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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