The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
