The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
