Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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