Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
