Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize