I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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