I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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