i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you would pick up someone in the library
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
