So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
