Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
