now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
