I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
