dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
