you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
