mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
