I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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