Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
