Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
