i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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