oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
