he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
