You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
