this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize