my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
