I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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