I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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