there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
