That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Boobs are out for the taking
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
