Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A+ Viking dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
