Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
