so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
