it's too hot outside to masturbate.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
