a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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