Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
