I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
