i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
