Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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