I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize