Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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