Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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