we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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