If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The Olympian is in my bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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