And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
