thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
