Pappa wants mamma naked
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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