it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Everclear isn't food dammit
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
