return my video game
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
