it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize