weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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