Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
