Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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