He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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